Coping with a Miscarriage
What help will I be given after a miscarriage?
Hopefully, your doctor or midwife will be sympathetic. But if you’ve had an early miscarriage, it’s possible that they will be a bit more matter-of-fact than you were expecting.
An early miscarriage is a loss before 12 weeks. Sadly, it is common. Although it may be a shattering experience for you, doctors and midwives have to deal with it regularly, and at times may not provide all of the answers and support you may hope to receive.
This is bound to be a terribly difficult time for you, as you come to terms with what has happened. Unfortunately, it may take a few weeks for your body to recover. And while your body is going through all these changes, your emotions are bound to be in turmoil, too.
You may find that your doctor focuses on the physical aspects of what has happened. They will probably discuss your medical history with you and may talk to you about when to try again for a pregnancy, if you want to. They should also explain about how to help your body recover.
The pain of bereavement can leave you feeling isolated and alone. But you’ll be surprised how many other people, like you, have been through loss. Try to connect with Saying Goodbye on Twitter or on Facebook as hearing others share their stories can truly help you feel less alone.
I can’t get over my miscarriage. Will I ever feel better?
Miscarriage is a tragedy that affects you, your partner, and loved ones in many ways. It can be hard to come to terms with what has happened. This is especially the case if this wasn’t your first miscarriage or if you had carefully planned your pregnancy. The truth is, whatever your circumstances, pregnancy loss can be devastating.
It’s normal to grieve for your loss as you would for a close relative or friend. The process of grieving can affect your mind and body in different ways.
You may feel:
- Guilty. Remember that early miscarriage is common. It is highly unlikely to have happened because of anything you did or didn’t do.
- Angry. Sometimes with those close to you or toward friends or other members of the family who are pregnant or who’ve had a baby.
- Overwhelming sorrow. It may seem that everything you had hoped for has been taken away at a stroke.
- Shocked and numb.
- You may feel exhausted, but unable to sleep.
- Your everyday routine may seem meaningless. You may go off eating, or find it hard to concentrate.
Shock, grief, depression, fatigue, and a sense of failure are all understandable feelings. It may seem that everything you had hoped for has been taken away at a stroke. You may feel withdrawn and moody. If you have already told people about the pregnancy, you will probably dread having to tell them the bad news.Sometimes, expressions of sympathy, instead of being a comfort, can be difficult to handle. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Having a miscarriage is a devastating loss.
Remember that you and your partner are not to blame. Miscarriage is sadly a very common event. Try to talk to each other and give yourselves time to mourn. Even if you feel physically fine, you may find taking some time off work helpful. Everyone’s needs are different.
Even when you think you have got over your miscarriage, you may be caught out by your emotions later on. You will probably find that the arrival of the date on which your baby was due, or the anniversary of the miscarriage bring up powerful emotions for you and your partner. It’s a perfectly natural reaction.
Will a miscarriage affect my ability to conceive again?
The good news is that this is unlikely. Having a miscarriage doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll have problems every time you try to have a baby.
This may be true even if you’ve had three or more miscarriages in a row. Three out of every four women who’ve had unexplained recurrent miscarriage go on to have a healthy baby, without needing special medical treatment. Unless your doctor tells you otherwise, your next pregnancy is likely to go smoothly.
When can I try to get pregnant again?
Always take advice from your GP or consultant as to when is the best time to try again after loss.
We would advise that you and your partner wait until you both feel ready, both physically and emotionally, to try again. You’ve both been through a lot and may need time to grieve. You’ll need to rebuild your strength before you’re ready to conceive again.
It’s also best to get as healthy as you can before you try again.
I’m pregnant, and terrified of miscarrying again. What can I do?
Your anxiety is perfectly understandable. This pregnancy may feel like the longest nine months of your life. You’ll probably feel uneasy until you’re safely past the week of pregnancy in which you had your miscarriage. Difficult though it is, try to be positive. The chances are you’ll have a normal pregnancy.
The Mariposa Trust has a special division called GrowingYou which offers support to anyone who has lost a baby, who is now pregnant again (or thinking of becoming pregnant again). You can find GrowingYou by hitting this link, or on Twitter @GrowingYouInt or on facebook.com/GrowingYouInt.
All information on this website, and advice and support offered by the charity team is on a non-medical basis. The charity advises that anyone going through baby loss, medical treatment or health issues, should seek advice from their own GP, Consultant, Midwife or Healthcare Professional.Download the Saying Goodbye Support Leaflet (PDF)